Sunday, August 13, 2017

UPDATE POST: Bent. Broken. Born Again.

image found here

Devastating, but I stood up and moved on.

Break-ups are heartbreaking, so they say. Break-ups are drowning, so I've heard. I felt every pain that a heartbroken woman can experience in one sitting. I got fucked up so bad that I decided to just quit life and disappear. I thought of quitting my job because of the long leave that I did just to think and breathe. I thought that nobody will love me, nobody will accept me and that nobody will take me and welcome me in their life but I was wrong.

Trisha, I call her hun, and I met her through MOOVz which is a dating site for the LGBTQIA community. I downloaded the app because I was curious and am glad that I did it. I joined a group chat that was meant for meeting people and they invited me to join their group on Viber. I met her there, she sang to me and was super nice.

I never thought that I will be able to meet someone from a dating site. I was hesitant to talk to her at first because I am new in the dating game, after a 7-year relationship, and I feel like a young lady again. She talked to me from midnight to dawn and the conversation went on for a few days. She asked if she can court me, I got scared, scared to try again and star over. I gave in and accepted her proposal. (to court me that is)

She had the most beautiful voice, she sang to me every night and then I wondered if I have ever felt something like this before, to be honest I did but it was a long time ago. It is like a rose bud, trying to bloom in the cold winter night. There were doubts and hesitations but I still gave her time. I also gave myself time to heal and be ready to jump in the pool of love.

After a month or so, although I am not fully healed, I decided to let her into my life. She texts me the sweetest things, I felt like it was the first time that I felt anything like this. It was like I was born again.

I stayed with her and her family for a week because I received threats from my ex. She kept me safe and her family took me like I am one of theirs. They were good people. I came from a very unhealthy relationship and I was glad that I decided to finally let go. I was dying but Trisha came and helped me rise from the ashes.

We experience pain because we have to, for us to learn and build ourselves a better version of us. We cry to wash away all the anger and frustrations that we have inside of us. We mourn to remember the things that we've done that turned into nothing. We pray for guidance and strength to be able to go through life with ease and peace. Finally, we love again for us to realize that we are more than worth it.

Trisha and I are just starting but I know that we can overcome every struggle and hurdle that life may give us. Trust and loyalty is key and I know that she has both. I gave my chance to trust and love again and so far I am loving the outcome of my decision. She was worth it, she was worth the wait.

"She says I smell like safety and home
I named both of her eyes forever and please don’t go
I could be a morning sunrise all the time, all the time yeah
This could be good, this could be good"
— Mary Lambert; She keeps me warm

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