Emotions, Roller Coasters and Love (My most emotional post yet)

Love, people get addicted to it. It makes the world go round and even makes violets blue. It is a strange feeling that you have towards another person. Is it worth it? All of the fuzzy feeling in your stomach whenever
she smiles back or the way she says your name, everything is priceless, I know. I have been through all of those, the roller coaster of emotions, they were precious. I just went through the hardest break-up of my life, a four year relationship that just went down to pieces just because of her petty reasons. Can I blame her? No. That was her reason and I respect that, I totally respect that. It's just that I never had the chance to explain myself, still she chose to listen to her friends and be greedy about it.

I spent a lifetime loving her, eternity to care for her and a millennium to prove her how important she is but everything just got blown away by the wind. It flew like dust and petals dancing in mid air. I never thought that I would lose someone whom I loved this much in just an instant. We've had our challenges, quarrels too, but this has been the biggest yet. The main event that made the strong Katrina fall down on her knees and breakdown, crying her eyes out.

I was a strong persona, a villain in other peoples eyes. Maria was scared to talk to me at first because I was a snub. She was brave enough to tell me how much she liked me, even traveled almost five hours just to see me. After a month, I opened myself to her and I told myself, "Let yourself love again, this time it might be worth it." Am glad that I opened my heart to her, she made me happy. It was worth it, the challenge that I set for myself, to love and trust again. Four years past, we started to quarrel a lot, about even the littlest things. We we're shaken and weak, no more means of fixing it.

All I can do now is cry, weep until my eyes can't tear up anymore. There's nothing that I can do now, I was shattered. Life goes on, so as they say, but how can life go on without her? She was my gravity, now I am floating in this endless void. I am alive and I just need to live as if nothing happened. Yes, a part of me was tattered and torn but it doesn't make me useless. She was a huge part of this new life that I embraced. She woke me up from a deep slumber of confusion, I was reborn.

Every text, every photo, the ring on my finger, every single thing reminds me of the love that got away. I was that little lamb left out in the damp meadow crying, but she wasn't there. My lover, my guide, my heart was gone, gone forever. I am now walking in this dark abyss, hoping for her light but I am not blind, trying my hardest to get out, scared that I can't.

Tomorrow, I will be a new person. I need to start getting myself used to being single, but not alone. I have my cats to keep me company, the core to pick me up and my family who will always love me unconditionally. I may be broken, but I am not destroyed. I still have breath, I just have to inhale the good and exhale the bad. Move on, it's going to be a struggle but I believe that I can do it.

That was my journey, my struggle with this love but I know someday, somehow, I will be walking the same path again. Cheers to a new beginning!

What’s your favorite word?

You like kissing girls?

Can I call you baby?

... She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm

--- She Keeps me Warm by Elise Lieberth